urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr i'll follow you down carrabbajr 2005-02-28T01:12:21Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:7738 2005-02-25T00:47:09Z 2005-02-25T00:47:09Z Yesterday was my first behind the wheel driving. It went pretty well, I was pretty calm. I thought I'd be nervous but I wasnt. So yea, I'm a kool kat now baby! <br />The last few days of my running have been crap. I mean I didnt run for a couple days because of that rain. But I havnt had any speed, and i just feel like a slow piece of crap when I run. I hope it passes soon. I mean every once in a while I go through short period times where I'm slow and then i'm back to my normal self, but man, four strait days. This sucks. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:7551 2005-02-23T19:47:49Z 2005-02-23T19:47:49Z Well today is my first behind the wheel drivers training and im so freakin nevous. Im like a fraid I'm going to get into a crash or something. Man I hope not, lol, i'm sure I'll do fine. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:7340 2005-02-21T20:52:38Z 2005-02-28T01:12:21Z Darkness has covered over this Earth<br />ever since sin had it's birth.<br />I've felt the Angel's fallen tears<br />as we whisper to them our greatest fears.<br />I've seen the growth of Satan's plan,<br />to have man rage war on another man.<br />I've sadly witnessed God's children rebel<br />to live like demons and burn in Hell.<br />I've heard the piercing cry of a mother<br />as her child's life was taken by another.<br />I've seen a poor man beg for dimes<br />as the rich man laughs a thousand times.<br />I've watched a woman be struck by a man<br />as she sits alone with no ones helping hand.<br />So help me out to sing the sorrow. <br />Maybe this will change tomorrow.<br />I've told Satan I fear him not <br />and concord his temptation that I fought.<br />I fear the world we must live in.<br />I fear for those who love to sin.<br />I fear for those who have nothing to say,<br />when time comes for Gods judgment day. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:7053 2005-02-19T18:22:00Z 2005-02-19T18:22:00Z I'm reaching out to feel nothing to alleviate your sighs.<br />I need something to quickly seize the pace of passing time.<br />It seems as though I'v fallen behind<br />on praying that the worst to come has already passed us by.<br />So don't turn now, please don't turn away from me.<br />My words are sincere, their not easy so please bare with me.<br />I'm sorry if i'v ever left you thinking of our downs<br />Your smiles have been absent I hope our ups are found.<br />I'm breathing in so deeply so that my word wont fade.<br />I only hope your kind enough to listen to what I have to say.<br />It seems as though lately I'v been missing out on you.<br />The taste of your lips,<br />the smell of your scent, <br />the look in your eyes so blue.<br />It seems as though lately you've been holding out on words.<br />To think twice on telling me things I wish I would have heard.<br />You give me mixed clues and my guessing never ends.<br />I think its best to break up,<br />and just stay close as frends.<br /><br /><br />I started this poem in class yesterday because I was totally board. I'm not even experiencing this. so i guess this is what you call a "fake" poem, lol. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:6728 2005-02-09T02:12:15Z 2005-02-09T02:12:15Z Well yesterday I got my permit. YAY! I missed 7. Phew. So anyways, a few days ago I get an application to Yogurt Mill. It's like my second home. But I didnt turn it in because yesterday my my History teacher tells me he has a friend how is a chef, and he said the best way to start if I want to be a chef is to apply at a restaraunt to wash dishes. That way I get to see how food is prepared and cooked. And I get to see wat its like in the kitchen. So I'm like wow, great idea. Thats how Bobby Flay started out. Then he became aassistant chef, and at age 17, the owner of the restaraunt he was at saw potential in him and gave him a scholorship to New York's French Cullinary Institute. And look at him today. So all day i'm like, yea thats wat i'm gonna do. So I get home and my mom tells me her friend is gonna be the manager at Starbucks, and she wants me to apply. She "wants" me to apply. That means she "wants " me to work there, which means when she becomes manager, its a sure thing. Wow, 16 and working at Starbucks. So I'll just hold the dishwashing out for later. I hope this dosnt interfere with my training. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:6511 2005-02-06T05:54:06Z 2005-02-06T05:54:06Z Friday was our homecoming game. It was cool because we won. Atleast our varcity team did. Our JV team lost by 50 points. Not kidding. 80 something to 30 something. Wow. I told Kendra i'd wear my bell bottoms that look like girl pants, which are my favorite pair. I dont know why, they just are. So I wore them. LOL. None of my good friends made it to the game. But I hung out with Justin, whos a kool kat that I just met this year, I dont know him as well as my other friends, but like I said, hes kool. I got home and went to bed. So today, Saturday, we went up to camanchee lake, I dont know how its spelled. Its where we're having out family reunion this year, so we went and checked it out. Its cool. Im not really an out doorsy kinda guy, so I dont really care. But its not bad. Thn we went strait to out Aunt's and Uncle's house for dinner, and our cousins brought over the movie Ray. Its was so good. I never knew Ray Charles was a drug attict. But anyways, it was a good movie. Then we got home and here I am now. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:6327 2005-01-27T01:57:07Z 2005-01-27T01:57:07Z Well today was kinda... how you say... i dont know. Wll today I get to school and theres taging all over the place. Like a ghetto target practice thing. Well first period comes and the anouncements come on saying anyone who knows who did it and tell will get $250. But all these teachers start pitching in $50 each. So then the award is $2000. So then come to fined out a girl finds out who did it. So shes getting cash. Please pray for her saftey. Man what would I do with $2000 bucks? I dont know. I would definantly higher bodyguards though. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:5896 2005-01-25T01:34:25Z 2005-01-25T01:34:25Z Well today was the start of week 2 of training. Only 9 laps. No big deal right? Well darn today sucked asprin, lol. I was doin hecka good till lap 6. I had to slow down to a cool off pace because I felt like I was draining out too much energy. So lap 7 I went back to my race pace and then started getting these bad rib cramps. Then my feet started hurting like a bizzle. So I didnt finish. AHHHH! Today sucked. tomorrow should be all good though. We'll see. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:5837 2005-01-23T05:32:20Z 2005-01-23T05:32:20Z Well today was cool. I was planning on having 4 friends goin to Oakdale with me to a game place. Dan, Mike, Jerry, and Aaron. Dan had to go to Fresno, Mike had to go to a church thing, and Jerry got grounded. So it was just Aaron. We had fun though. We played battle field games and war games. Then we went back home for my BBQ. Mike came over so then It was me, Aaron, and Mike. Dan never got back in time to come over, but it was all cool. We played guitar and jamed in my room. LOL, it was fun. Then they went home. And here I am now waiting for ppl to come online to chat with. LOL, well, thats it for today. Stay tuned for more adventures from shawn. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:5562 2005-01-21T02:36:51Z 2005-01-21T02:36:51Z Run Mon-Fri, rest Sat, Sun at <br /><br />Week 1 at Sipherd Field: 8 laps daily (about 2.2 miles)<br />Week 2 at Sipherd Field: 9 laps daily (do the math)<br />Week 3 at Sipherd Field: 10-11 laps daily<br />Week 4 at Sipherd Field: 12 laps daily<br />Week 5: rest<br />Week 6 Glenbrook/Woodbine/Park/Orangeburg loop 1.6 miles (speed)<br />Week 7 at Sipherd Field: 12-13 laps daily<br />Week 8 at Sipherd Field: 15 laps daily<br />Week 9 at Sipherd Field: 16-18 laps daily<br />Week 10 at Sipherd Field: 20 laps daily<br />Week 11: rest<br />Week 12 Glenbrook/Woodbine/Park/Orangeburg loop 1.6 miles (speed)<br />Week 13-Start of Summer at Sipherd Field: 20-25 laps daily (and loop)<br />Summer Week 1 at Sipherd Field: 10-12 laps morning 10-12 night<br />Week 2 at Sipherd Field: 13-15 laps morning 13-15 night<br />Week 3: rest<br />Week 4: Glenbrook/Woodbine/Park/Orangeburg loop 1.6 miles (speed)<br />Week 5 at Sipherd Field: 16-18 laps morning 16-18 night<br />Week 6 at Sipherd Field: 20 laps morning 20 night<br />Week 7: rest<br />Week 8: Clause/Scenic/Park loop (about 2.1 miles)<br />Week 9-10: at Siphered Field: 20 laps in morning 20-30 at night<br />Week 11-12 at Sipherd Field: 20 laps in morning 30-40 at night<br />Week 13- Cross Country: Speed- Mile sub 4:30, 2Mile sub 9:40 5K sub 16:00 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:5234 2005-01-21T01:42:45Z 2005-01-21T01:42:45Z Crap am I sore! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:4867 2005-01-18T01:52:16Z 2005-01-18T01:52:16Z Well I'm in a rut right now. I cant decide if I'm going to run track this year or not. Here's why. Everyone who knows me knows I love to run and wouldnt miss out on track for anything. Everyone who knows me knows I'd like to be a great highschool distance runner and be fast enough to get a full ride scholorship. So why am I having such a hard time deciding to run track or not? <br />I was planning on doing this training program this summer to make me fast. 50 miles a week. 5 in the morning, 5 at night, 5 days a week. But calculating on how long its gonna take me to get as fast as I need to be, it's gonna take from now till the end of summer. So that means I have to start this training right now. If I run track, I wont get this training in and I wont be that fast. At least not as fast as I need to be. So what do I do? The track team's all begging me to run this year, and I was planning on running this year, and I told everyone I was gonna run this year. But I have to do this training. But I also want to run track. So what do I do? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:4861 2005-01-09T23:50:37Z 2005-01-09T23:50:37Z I lie still tonight with the thought of the look in your eyes. So mistrusting to ever believe your words. So can I just leave you without any words? To leave you to think that I vanished unheard. So I'll just slip away from your sight. <br />Is it alright if I see you just one more time? I'd rather tell you that your a demon in disguise. And to tell you that you burned me with lies. I can't leave you without any words. My heart is falling out. Falling out. Falling out.<br />So tonight I'll sleep with you out of my mined. The thoughts of you buried and left behind. My heart is falling out. Falling out. Falling out. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:4557 2005-01-07T03:38:25Z 2005-01-07T03:38:25Z Well its been a while hasnt it. Yep. Well where to start. Lets see. I found out why Kati could answer the phone, I'v kinda had my eye on this other girl, I'v had a few big brain farts, I'v been runnin, and i'm getting drivers ed.<br />Yea, Kati wasnt able to answer the phone cuz she was grounded. Something about her grade. Thats wat her uncle said. but i dont know anymore if I even wanna chase after Kati anymore. I'll just be friends with her. Plus, I'v kinda had my eye out for this other girl. come to find out, she's a sinior. and man the other day I had the biggest blond moment in history. In cooking class we were in the text books and There were pictures of food on plates. There was this one plate with nothin on it. If there was, then its some kinda white soup. so I'm like, "Hey guys, is there anything on this plate?" and thier like "I dont know." so I put my face up to the book and smell it. yes, you read itright. OMG I felt so stupid. That moment goes down in the record books for blond moments, or brain farts. MAN! Oh, and I'm getting drivers ed next week for my 16th birthday. yay... I'm actually kinda scared. I'm not ready to be driving. But who knows maby i'll get over it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:4191 2004-12-30T19:46:44Z 2004-12-30T19:46:44Z Last couple of days have been kinda crappy. Yesterday my friend Tito told me I'm not gonna beable to recored because he got kicked out of his band and they dont like emo so I probably wouldnt be able to anyways. So that kinda sux. Last night I couldnt get a hold of Kati. I was gonna ask her out to the movies for tonight. And I still cant get a hold of her. So maby I'll wait till saturday night. <br />I really like this cd I got of Gin Blossoms. Ther're an early/mid 90s band thats really good. Seriously its the only cd i'v listend to the last 3 days. I havnt even listend to my snow patrol cd yet, lol. Its so good I cant stop listening to it. <br />I'v got family commin over tonight and ther're stayin over for new years. And Saturday my friends wanna do somthin. So maby i'll go to that. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:4054 2004-12-27T05:03:36Z 2004-12-27T05:03:36Z Christmas was cool. Got a black leather jacket to look pimpin in, lol, also got gift cards, and an mp3 player. Then went to dinner at my cousins and that was pretty darn good. Oh and my dad got this mediteranian cookbook and and a thi cookbook that im of course gonna use. <br />Today was ok. Watched 2 movies with my family. Mean Girls with Lindsay Lohan which was suprisingly ok, and Cold Mountain which was no doubtably very good. And then we went to the movies and saw "flight of the Phoenix" which was very good. Then I spent $3.70 on my starbucks gift card on an egg nog latte. Which was ok, but not as good as I was hopin. But it was good. And tomorrow im goin to best buy to spend my best buy gift card. I'm gonna buy Gin Blossoms if they have it, Postal Service, and Snow Patrol. Woot woot! <br />Well i'v got these two songs iv got in my head right now that im gonna write, and when iv got them down im gonna ask my friend if I could record a demo at his house. I think he has an editing system too, not to fix my voice or anything, but to even everything out so it dosnt soung ghetto, so that will be good. Im gonna put the two songs on there Im gonna write and "Tainted Hearts and Flourished Hopes" which is my favorite song to play, that one song I havnt named yet, and "As Hearts go Faded" which i still have to practice. but I'll have it down soon. So theres gonna be 5 songs and hopefully this will be soon. Cant wait. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:3605 2004-12-26T04:36:02Z 2004-12-27T04:47:41Z I happened to notice that our conversations are loosing their touch and how these awkward silences are happening way to much. And I'm calling you and you always say that your busy. The connection we once had seems to have slipped way to easy. The feelings we one shared now seem unrelated. I grow wary of this tale of hearts that go faded.<br />So now I find my self in the arms of deception again. Misleading feelings are impossible to comprehend. I sit here with this lingering affection as I watch you go in your opposite direction. To fallow you is strongly debated. But I'll just stay here and wait for my heart to go faded. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:3450 2004-12-23T17:07:18Z 2004-12-23T17:07:18Z It's almost christmas. YAY! My moms birthday is on x mas eve and I dont have any money to get her anything. So i'm just gonna make her breakfast in bed. I'v got this crapes recipie. Oh crap, I dont have any strawbarrys to fill in the middle. Maby I'll use bananas. got plenty of those. Man I wish I had a job so I can buy ppl gifts. I'm freakin 15 and I feel like a little kid because people buy me gifts and I dont buy them any. Maby I'll just fing somthin in my room to wrap up. LOL <br />My mom said maby I'll get drivers ed for break. So break comes around and now I find my self waiting for my 16th birthday. My mom also said last year for my 15th birthday I'll get drivers ed. Hmm... i might as well get good on the bike at ths rate. <br />When break started I vowed to put 30 miles in this week for running and 40 miles next week. HaHa. Hasnt happend and it probably wont. I ran 20 laps at siphered yesterday which is 5 miles but I swear that track is a 440 because it takes me like 2:00 to complete a lap. It took me 36 mins to run yesterday, so I'm sure I ran 6 miles instead of 5. And man was I sore. My achillies (not sure how its spelled) and my lower shins. On lap 6 i was only thinkin of doin 12 laps cuz how sore I was but by lap 10 it started to go away, so I did all 20 laps. I think I'll do this all next week and the end of break i'll do some speed miles. Try to break my PR. Thats gonna be hard.<br />Cant wait till tomorrow, got family comin for my moms birthday like every year. And then I gotta be an alter server for church at 7:30. BLAH! Wonder how much money I'm gettin this year for x mas and my birthday. Last year I got 200 but this yer i'm turnin 16 so I should get more. Hmm...<br />Oh and I started on this other song that I'm having writers block with. I'll give you the first verse cuz thats all I have. <br />"I happend to notice that our conversations are loosing thier touch. And these akward silences are happening way to much. I call you and you always say that your busy. The connection we had seems to have slipped away to easy. The feelings we once shared now are unrelated. I grow wierry of this tale of hearts that go faded." <br />so thats all I got and its about me and this one girl that were "talking" and it seemed we really liked eachother but idk, i guess she doesnt like me anymore, atleast it seems like it. <br />Well anyways, everyone have a merry christmas! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:3127 2004-12-22T16:43:00Z 2004-12-22T16:43:00Z Covered underneath my smiles my heart is torn and it bleeds so much. It's flooding my insides. It's flooding my insides. And I'll hold my breath as long as I can before my soul drowns. But it's gripping me tight.<br />Coverd underneath my skin this fire grows and it spreads so fast. It's burning my insides. It's burning my insides. And I'll stay cool as long as I can brfore my bones turn to ash. This pleague wont die.<br />So hold me tigh and relieve me of this fight that concors me so painfully. And I'll lie still and wait as you kill this pleague that attacks me unseen. (repeat verse 3 and then 1 and 2)<br /><br />I wrote this song a while back but always debated rather or not to post it because the lyrics seemed kinda week and short. But this song is one of my favorite songs to play because it sounds good. And its actually 3mins long even though it seems short. Well here it is finally so tel me what you think. And I still havnt named it. lol urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:3052 2004-12-18T20:01:54Z 2004-12-18T20:01:54Z She had the eyes of a sharp bird and she had her eyes out for someone special to come her way. He had the words of a charmer and the ways of a lover, he was someone she could never betray. They would would talk on for hours, his words were like flowers, she'd take them and hold them for days. He was everything she dreamed of, he was the only one she could ever love, he was the only one she wanted to be with always. The start seemed romantic and so truly fantastic and it seemed their affection was high. He told her he loved her he told her he'd never deceive her and leave her to cry.<br />Winter came calling and she found she was falling more and more in love with him everyday. He was her prince charming and her one man army nothing could ever take him away. Heartbreak came when he came to say that he just needed a break for the holidays. She couldn't understand and she couldn't comprehend why things had to be this way. The start seemed so romantic and so truly fantastic it seemed their affection was high. He told her he loved her, he told her he'd never deceive her and leave her to cry. <br />So cheers to the to the romance that all of us have had. To the good times when it seemed nothing could go bad. Heres to the memories that are ever so rich. The long talks and the bright laughs that had bad days be fixed. And toast to our youth. an age where we grow. We find heartbreak but hold on because we'll find true love tomorrow as we all know. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:2574 2004-12-12T01:45:14Z 2004-12-12T01:45:14Z Well this is my first normal entry in a while. Wat to say wat to say? Well not much, just been writing some songs and conditioning for track and trying to bring somma my grades up. Ya, I have a D in math, and my mom said if I have ANY Ds what so ever, I cant run track! AHHH! This was sopposed to be the year for me too man. I was gonna be the best runner on the team and the best sophomore in modesto. Well, I still have hope. <br /><br />The other day I was playin "The Places You Have come to Fear the Most" and I started singin my own lyrics I made up right there and I'm like, " Hey, I'm gonna keep these" so I changed the intro and kept my lyrics, they should be posted soon. And I wrote another song called "For You to Know" about this girl that I really like but she likes another guy, and I cant tell her how I feel about her cuz I dont wanna get in the way of her and the other dude. but I havnt posted it cuz im gonna re write it. But I'll still post the original. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:2512 2004-11-30T02:39:27Z 2004-12-27T04:51:06Z So many days go by and she's still hiding behind the smile that she uses to avoid the question, "Are you Ok"? Ever since he left her she's been screaming in a silence. Her cries trapped inside not able to be heard. She would rather not talk. She only wants to be left alone. <br />If only she would let out all her cries. <br />Letting out all the deepest fears she holds inside.<br />I'm dreaming of better days for her to come. <br />This silence is overwhelming.<br />I better do something. I'm running tward her but she doesn't seem to notice. She doesn't seem to want to. She continues to walk all alone in her dark. She's looking for something. She's looking for a way out of her deprived unnoticed pain.<br />If only she would let out all her cries. <br />Letting out all the deepest fears she holds inside.<br />I'm dreaming of better days for her to come. <br />This silence is overwhelming.<br />And it's these dark silences that trap in her fears. Holding her tarnished soul quiet for no one to hear. Her voice is vanquished, her lips sealed closed. All she has left is her transparent blank hopes. And I just pray that she makes it through ok. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:2275 2004-11-27T02:22:07Z 2004-11-27T02:22:07Z We came along an eternal road and and it was paved in rich gold and it lead us to an endless night.We laughed and talked so lavishly it made everything around us so bright. I sang out a lullaby to you and you fell into my arms so slow. I looked into your eyes and watched the fluorescent glow.I kissed you on your virgin lips and lusted your sweet taste of innocence. Oh, how I love this sweet age of adolescence. We walked across the sky and I picked a star out for you. I whispered in your ear and with every word so true, I told you through Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall's end almost here, this is the best night of our year. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:1872 2004-11-25T01:46:55Z 2004-11-25T01:46:55Z sitting here alone, thoughts in the air, stareing out of the window waving you goodbye. I hope you leaving me suits you well, I hope your better off now and I wish that things were just more simple. I wish that things were just more clear. I hope that I can forget about things. I hope I can put them behind me. <br />Sitting here alone, lights dim in the room, it suits this feeling well of me thinking of you. I sing out the saddest songs as they remined me of us and I wish that I could hold you again. I wish that I could just be your friend again. And I hope that you can someday forgive me. I hope that I can bleed out this pain. And all your feelings for me can burn since thats the least that I deserve, and I'll cry out all my regret hopeing that you'll have condolence and I 'll scream, I'll scream, I'll scream, untill I'm heard. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:carrabbajr:1680 2004-10-26T03:04:24Z 2004-10-26T03:04:24Z So for about a year now I'v been wonderin about the Catholic faith and the Protestant faith and studying the differences, and comparing the two to my own personal beliefs. And I'v come to the conclusion that my own personall beliefs lean mre on the protestant side than the catholic side. Why? Well lets see. Catholics believe in a number of things that the bible dosnt even mention. Like for instance, Catholics believe that seven sacrements should be completed in order to be holy. The bible only mentions two, "eating the lords bread" which is communion, and babtism. In the catholic faith babtism washes away "original sin" which is what everyone is born with because of adam and eve disobaying god. And if your not babtised you go strait to hell. Does this mean if a baby dies before it is babtiseit goes to hell, since there is no reancarnation. Catholics also believe in purgotorry, which is a place we go after death to pay for all our sins, before going into heaven. But the bible dosnt actually say purgotorry exist. Another thing is why cant priest get married? The bible says that god created women to be a companion to man which means marrage. So if priest are sopposed to be religious leaders, why cant they get married? And another thing, when Im around protestant preaching it really draws me in and I actually feel closer to god, compared to catholic preaching where I just sit and listen and I dont feel as drawn in. So its just the little things that all equal up to me wanting to be a protestant.<br />But my parents dont know this yet. they wont untill im older so they know im "mature" enough to make that desision. So as for now im still a catholic, but when I'm older, im pretty sure im gonna switch. I mean this cant be wrong can it? Im only trying to be closer to god.